Scuba Jokes

[LKunze]

Here's a link to a site with a few scuba jokes.

[Punky]

>One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for ten years
>sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he
> thinks to himself.
>As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the
>possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging
>from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman
>wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and
>says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had an ice cold
> >Diet Pepsi?"
>"Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches over
>and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left >sleeve and pulls out a
>cold can of the soda. He takes it, pops the tab, takes a long swig and
>says,
>"Man, oh man! Is that good!!"
>"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks
>him. Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years."
>She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands
>it to him.
>He opens the flask, takes a quick drink and says, "WOW, that's
>absolutely fantastic!"
>At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down
>the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, "And how
>long has it been since you've played around?"
>With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh good
>Lord! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"

[Punky]

Love Your Job???

>This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you
have a bad day at work...think of this guy.

> >Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, and heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with
warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop
for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat after me, I love my job.
Your brother
Rob

[Gramps]

Thanks for the link share....personally, I found this one hilarious!! ;D

Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive."

The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore."

The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!"