Just darn phunny Diving definitions...!

[tcjtn0]

I found these while swimming around the Web looking for phunny dive t-shirts...These are great...
(Hey , at least I think so , but my sense of humor , oh well... :-[)
I do love one about The Secret of Diving at the bottom...
And I bet the PURGE definition has been used on those Wed night Square lake dives after brats...YUCK :o

Jean

MASK- Storage container for sea water samples until you reach the surface.
FINS- Torture device invented during the Spanish Inquisition.
SNORKEL- Breathing tube used to suck in seawater and insects while on the surface.
WET SUIT- Exactly what a diver does when the cold and caffeine kick in.
DRY SUIT- Glorified inner tube and just about as comfortable.
CHECK OUT DIVE- Great opportunity to experience first hand:
A. hypothermia
B. Fear
C. Stupidity
D. All of the Above
NARCOSIS- Does that cost extra?
2nd Stage- Not a theater term.
DEEP DIVE- Depths greater than you find in your bathtub.
SPARE AIR- The air left in your buddies' tank.
BOAT DIVING- A complex task because boats usually don't dive.
WRECK DIVER- What you become after running out of air at 100ft.
EMBOLISM- A BAD THING!
OCTOPUS- Large eight legged sea creature which attaches to your face at inopportune moments.
B.C.- The extra flotation you gain after many holiday meals.
C CARD- "And they don't take American Express."
SHARK- Bottom feeding, cannibalistic, spineless, invertebrate (sure it's redundant), often found in courtrooms, newsrooms, and car lots.
GIANT STRIDE- An acrobatic maneuver so called because of the 15 foot drop to the water which occurs when the boat rolls to port while you are exiting the starboard side.
BUDDY BREATHING- An often impossible task because your buddy has long ago left your side in search of the bikini clad, web-footed, neoprene fish.
BUDDY DIVING- "Same day, same ocean- we must be buddies."
"PLAN YOUR DIVE< DIVE YOUR PLAN."- It's like a diving safety mantra only different.
FREE ASCENT- A blazing rush to the surface at about warp 8.2.
BLOWN OUT- Don't even think about those words.
1/3 RULE- Use 1/3 of the day thinking about throwing up, 1/3 of the day actually throwing up, 1/3 of the day being glad you threw up.
REPETITIVE DIVE- "We're going to quarry again?"
DIVE TABLES- A complex chart using numbers and mysterious signs created to scramble a divers already overtaxed intellect.
ECO-DIVER- Short for E-Coli (bacteria found on third world dive trips).
TECHNICAL DIVING- "I could tell you but I'd have to kill you."
MAX DEPTH- Your actual depth minus 50ft. Used when describing your dive profile to the dive instructor.
DIVE COMPUTER- A $700 addition to your weight belt.
V.I.P.- "Virtually Impossible to Peer inside a tank."
NITROX- See Technical Diving.
BOTTOM TIME- Time spent sitting on the narrow, uncomfortable bench on the way to the dive site.
PURGE- The button you push to get rid of the chili-dog you belched into the regulator.
NEWBEE DIVER- "Okay, the doohickey attaches to the whats-it?"
TUB DIVER- Specialist in off season, shallow, freshwater dives.
HYDRO- A monster which feeds on Luxfer aluminum 80's.
FLOOD- What your sinuses do to your mask.
BUOYANCY CONTROL- The art of not cratering the bottom or rocketing past mean sea level.
DIVE LIGHT- A waterproof carrying case for dead batteries.
GEAR BAG- Storage device for sand, shells, old sandwiches, mildewed T-shirts, and stowaway sea critters.
DIVE KNIFE- An underwater magnet for rust that in an emergency won't cut through hot butter.
THE SECRET OF DIVING- Inhale, exhale, repeat as necessary

[freedivernd]

that was an enjoyable read Jean! ;D

[MNLakeDiver]

Caution !!!
do not read while eating soup

[Michele]

These are funny! Thanks Jean.

MNlakediver,
Yeah soup through the nose and on the moniter is bad.

[MAXFACTOR]

very funny....  thanks for the good sense of humor on a sat. night read.....  I may not have to watch Sat. night live now.   
thanks
MAXFACTOR

[treeguy]

I love your definition of dive light.  Very true.