I laughed long and hard about this.

[wtdrm]

I read this on the Rodales board and thought I would share. Maybe I'm the only one that can imagine this
"...that since all TLB were gone for Spring break that it would be a good time to go to the dive well and water test my new wing and harness assembly. Keeping in mind that I had likely built up a bit of bad karma during it's assembly....I found that cursing your gear together DOES occassionally work....I should have known this idea might have it's downside. Which, of course, it did.
Since we will soon be going to the quarry and the ocean in the balmy water temperature of oh, fifty five degrees, I put on all my neoprene including gloves and hood to experience in a controlled environment the issues I will encounter during the actual lovely experience. When I do this for real there will be willing students and helpers to assist me in getting all this shit on, but was there anyone there this day? Of course not. Sooooo, I hook up the sling tank, minus the regulator. I obviously won't need it right? Ass walk my way over to my gear and begin to try and slip my arms....oh, by the way, did I mention my right arm is broken?...well, add that to the equation....through the straps of the NEW harness. The harness strap immediately flips over backward, so I cuss that bastard back into place and snap the chest strap and belly strap into place....which only leaves the freakin' crotch strap.. which has apparently seen all it can take and has hidden itself beneath my encumbered ass. I have two neoprene gloved hands attempting to locate this snake of a strap which now begins a sadistic game of hide and seek between my butt cheeks...or cheek as it is, since it too is encased in neoprene. I finally grab it and immediately curse it out and snap it into place. Then I lean forward to get into the water....no wait, I ATTEMPT to lean forward to get into the water. Because the damn 98 steel tank is short, it requires superhuman strength under these particular circumstances to be lifted off the pool deck to a workable back position. To do this, I must rock back and forth a few times. I immediately fall over onto my back like a friggin' snappin' turtle hit by a truck on an eastern NC backroad. BUT...I had planned for this eventuality and had positioned myself close to one of the bars that stick up near the pool ladder. So I drag myself into an upright postion, decide along the way that all this will be simpler in the pool,...which, I might add, is like a pilot deciding that his engine trouble will get better in the air...and do a side roll, face plant into the water.
I may have told y'all this before, but my life diving mantra is "now just how in the HELL did THAT happen?"....and today would be no different. Somewhere along the way I had looped my bungee second stage over the pole on the pool deck. Believe it or not surgical tubing will stretch for fifteen feet. So now, on the bottom looking for my octo to put over my head, which of course can't be found since it is directly over my head still attached to the pool deck I remember I should turn on my air since the three breaths that were in the hose when I turned the tank on earlier to check it and then turned BACK OFF have now become bubbles and it's getting a little stuffy down here. Son of a Bitch I think, or , possibly squeak before practicing my 15' CESA.....I arrive back at the surface to find the swimming coach looking down at me. That looks like so much fun he says. I smile back.
Capt. Mikey.....7k dives and never a mistake......"